Copyright 2021 by David Benjamin. Published by Last Kid Books, Madison WI.
First, the usual disclaimer: David Benjamin is one of my oldest and best friends. Also, this book is nominated for a “best comedy book” award by the Independent Book Publishers Association and, if it wins, I will be accepting the award in his place. So, yes, I am biased. But I also know a good book when I read it and this is a good book.
Like several other Benjamin books, this one is semi-autobiographical. The protagonist in this book is a 12-year-old altar boy named – drum roll please – David Benjamin. He is in 7th grade and is acquainted with a 14-year-old eighth grader named Vinny. Because Vinny is morbidly obese, smelly and generally disgusting, everyone calls him “Fat Vinny”. But Vinny has some social skills, is a bit of an entrepreneur and seems to always have more money than any other kid at St Mary’s. Partly because he is physically intimidating and partly because he has funds to buy temporary loyalty, Fat Vinny is able to get David involved in his schemes. And in the eighth grade Fat Vinny’s main scheme is winning the love of a young novice nun named Sister Patrice.
Forbidden love, indeed.
As an example of Vinny’s approach to courting, consider this “pome” that he wrote for her:
Your body is a temple. I want to wurship there. I'll tear away you wemple. And stroke your golden hair.
Yeah, I had to look up “wemple” too. He meant “wimple” – a medieval head covering for a nun. Some of his other “pomes” are more salacious but because I don’t want to become R-rated I will not include them here.
This is a coming-of-age book, but, surprisingly, is more about the coming of age of David Benjamin than Fat Vinny. Some of his observations about the unexpected “snot-like” emissions from his penis after seeing a girl’s bare butt are hilarious.
9 out of 10.